so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
