The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
