Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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