Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
