Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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