im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
