I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
