now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
