They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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