I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
