im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
