well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
