put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
