she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
