u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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