I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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