her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
