I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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