i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
