the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
