Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
