Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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