i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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