OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
