this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
