No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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