giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
