You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
