just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
