He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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