I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
