I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
