hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
