I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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