I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
