Whod you bang
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
