OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
