Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
