...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
