and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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