the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize