Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
