Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My ATM looks so different sober.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
