I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
