Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
