Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
