im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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