You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
