so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
