if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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