im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
