who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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